Six Ways to Help Kids Control Anger

I am continuing my quest to help Aaron handle his angry feelings in a positive way.  The "Code Balloon" has worked great.  When I see that Aaron is about to explode I say "balloon" and he is able to calm himself down...most of the time. For todays Wednesday's Words I searched through my mountain of books and surfed the web and I found this article Six Ways to Help Kids Control Anger by Michele Borba, Ed.D.  It is a great article with six ideas to help teach our kids calmer, more constructive ways to express their anger.

Here are a few of the ideas from this article that I am going to focus on with Aaron:

Model calmness.
The best way to teach kids how to deal with anger constructively is by showing them through your example! After all, you don’t learn how to calm down by reading about it in a book, but by seeing someone do it. So use those frustrating experiences as "on-the-spot lessons" to your child of ways to calm down.

Here’s an example: Suppose you get a phone call from the auto shop saying your car estimate has now doubled. You’re furious, and standing nearby is your child now watching you very closely. Muster every ounce of calmness and use it as an instant anger control lesson for your child:

"I am so angry right now" you calmly tell your child. "The auto shop just doubled the price for fixing my car." Then offer a calm-down solution: "I’m going on a quick walk so I can get back in control." Your example is what your child will copy.


Exit and calm down!
One of the toughest parts of parenting is when children address their anger towards us. If you’re not careful, you find their anger fueling emotions in you that you never realized were in you. Beware: anger is contagious. It’s best to make a rule in your home from the start: "In this house we solve problems when we’re calm and in control." And then consistently reinforce the rule.

Here’s an example of how you might use it. The next time your child is angry and wants a quick solution, you might say, "I need a time out. Let’s talk about this later" and then exit calmly and don’t answer back.

I had one mom tell me her only escape was to lock herself in the bathroom. The child continued kicking and screaming, but she would not come out until he was calm. It took a few "locked up times" for the child to realize she meant business. And from then on the child knew that mom would only talk about the problem when he was calm and in control.


Create a "calm down" poster. 
There’s dozens of ways to help kids calm down when they first start to get angry. Unfortunately, many kids have never been given the opportunity to think of those other possibilities. And so they keep getting into trouble because the only behavior they know is inappropriate ways to express their anger.

So talk with your child about more acceptable "replacer" behaviors. You might want to make a big poster listing them. Here’s a few ideas a group of fourth graders thought of: walk away, think of a peaceful place, run a lap, listen to music, hit a pillow, shoot baskets, draw pictures, talk to someone, or sing a song.

Once the child chooses his "calm down" technique, encourage him to use the same strategy each time he starts to get angry.

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I am really hoping that by using these techniques that I have found, Aaron will learn that anger is not the only way to solve his problems.  One thing that I am discovering from writing this blog is that there is a wealth of useful information out there!  If you or your child is having a problem, research it to find ways to handle that problem better.  At times when I am at a loss for what to do with one of my kids, instead of worrying and stressing out, I am going to take a more proactive approach like I have done this week.  

Code "Balloon"

Yesterday, I posted about how Aaron's anger is like kryptonite to me...it drains me of all of my mom powers. This week I am trying to find solutions to help Aaron cool down before exploding.  I found a great activity from The Potentially Sane Mother's Guide to Raising Young Children by Tamara A. Fackrell...a great book with lots of creative ideas for teaching children life lessons.  I sat down with Aaron and we talked about how anger is like a balloon.  It went a little something like this:

"Aaron, I want you to to think about what makes you angry or mad.  For each thing I want you to blow into your balloon"
Aaron said things like "Having to go to my room", "Being teased", "Not being able to do what I want to do".  After each item, he would blow into his balloon until it was full of "hot air".  My husband kept adding things to it also until the balloon eventually exploded (Aaron and I were too scared to have the balloon pop in our faces).  We talked about how this balloon is like anger and if we let things that upset us build up, we will eventually explode.

I then had Aaron blow up his balloon again after naming things that trigger his anger.  When the balloon was full we talked about ways to let the anger out before we pop.  After each item - like count to 10, walk away, take deep breaths, and find something else to do - Aaron would let out a little bit of "hot air" from his balloon.  When the balloon was half full, we tied it closed.  I gave Aaron a pin and told him to pop his balloon by poking the pin in the opposite end of the tie (usually a little darker in color).  He was hesitant but he did it and the balloon did not pop.  He thought that was pretty cool!  We talked about how doing those things that reduce anger help us so that we don't explode and lose control of our emotions.

Aaron and I made the code word of "balloon" that I will say to him when I notice that he needs to let off some steam.  This was a great way to explain anger to him.  We had a great talk and I hope that it helps Aaron triumph over his anger.  

For Tuesday's Triumph #2, my blog is featured today on Friendly Tuesday at seven thirty three - a creative blog.  Check it out!

For those of you just joining my blog...I hope that you will find some ideas to help you enJOY your kids and motherhood more!

Cranky Kryptonite

I am not a Super-Mom by any means but I am trying to be the best mom that I can for my kids.  But one thing lately has really been making it hard to be the best Super-Mom that I can...Aaron's anger.

Superman could do anything with his super-human powers...except in the presence of kryptonite.  This green, glowing rock would paralyze his powers and make him weak.  Aaron is my wonderful 6 year old boy who is excellent at reading, basketball, baseball, working hard, and math.  One thing that he is struggling with lately is controlling his anger and temper when he gets frustrated or provoked.  When my sweet, sensitive Aaron gets angry he has a hard time controlling himself.  Instead of thinking through his problem and finding other ways to handle it, he resorts to crying, yelling, hitting, throwing, slamming doors...pretty much a 6 year old tantrum.  When this happens it is like Aaron is turning into a big green, glowing rock of kryptonite that repels me.  I feel all of my patience, self control, happiness, and any other mom-powers being drained from me.  I can't be around him because it makes me a weaker mom.  I usually send him away until he can calm down and talk to me with respect and love.

When something goes wrong (like yesterday when he couldn't find his chapstick) Aaron talks in a very crying/whiny voice.  We have named this annoying cry-talking "crocking".  He crocks so often that I don't think that he realizes when he is doing it.  We have started to tell him that "I will be happy to talk to you when you are done crocking".  It seems to help for the most part.  I need to help Aaron find some solutions to control his emotions better before all of my Super-Mom powers are gone forever!  I have found some object lessons, books, professional advice, and scriptures to help me in this quest that I will post throughout the week.

I am hoping that this cranky kryptonite concern can by kicked!

A Man Like Captain Moroni

Happy Father's Day!  Before I was married, I came across these scriptures in The Book of Mormon about Captain Moroni who led the Nephite army.  I decided that I wanted to marry a man like this:
Alma 48: 11-13 

And Moroni was a strong and a mighty man; he was a man of a perfect understanding; yea, a man that did not delight in bloodshed; a man whose soul did joy in the liberty and the freedom of his country, and his brethren from bondage and slavery;

 Yea, a man whose heart did swell with thanksgiving to his God, for the many privileges and blessings which he bestowed upon his people; a man who did labor exceedingly for the welfare and safety of his people.

 Yea, and he was a man who was firm in the faith of Christ…

President James E. Faust said about fathers:

"Brethren, noble fatherhood gives us a glimpse of the divine attributes of our Father in Heaven. A father should be many things. He should magnify his priesthood and be an example of righteousness. In companionship with his wife, he should be the source of stability and strength for the whole family. He should be the protector and the provider and the champion of the members of his family. Much of his love for his children should flow from his example of love, concern, and fidelity for their mother. By his uncompromising example he should instill character into his children."

Eric, thanks for being this kind of man and father.  You are a wonderful example to our children and to me!

Happy Father's Day!

Dad's Story Time

In honor of Father's Day, I want to write about my husband's favorite children's books.  Are you ready for this one?  Don't hold your breath...well maybe you should because these books really STINK!  Eric came home with these books and I just had to have a "Whatever" moment.

Yes, you read that right...The books are called Walter the Farting Dog and Pee-ew!  Is That You Bertie?  You see, my sweet husband is like a little kid when it comes to farting.  He laughs uncontrollably when someone makes a farting noise and he has a farting app on his phone (which he loves to hide under someone's chair and then "let it rip" when the moment is right).

It is hilarious to hear him read these books to the kids...it goes a little like this... "Bertie let rip a big one in his sister Suzy's playhouse -TRUMP.  It reeked.  Suzy was livid.  Pee-ew!  Is that you , Bertie?  You stink, smelly pants," sniffed Suzy.  I'm not the only one who stinks, thought Bertie.  When Mom farts, she coughs at the same time to cover it up.  PFOOF  When Dad lets off, he's so sneaky...HHWOOOSH...you don't know what's coming until it hits you.  Grandma's always letting go.  PLP PLP  She just blames the cat."

Eric make great sound effects.  The only problem is that the kids can't understand what he is saying because he is laughing so hard :)

Fruit Salsa with Cinnamon Chips

My Aunt made this a few weeks ago for a family vacation and it was a delicious summertime snack.  I got the recipe and made it for a BBQ to share with our friends and it was a big hit.  Now is the perfect time to make it with all of the fresh fruit that is in season.  It is so good and so easy.  It just takes a little time to cut up all of the fruit...Enjoy!!

Fruit Salsa
Peal and dice your favorite fruits into very small pieces
You can use:
Strawberries
Raspberries
Kiwi
Mango
Blackberries
Pineapple
Peaches

Combine all of the fruit, drizzle with honey (about 1 Tbls), squeeze one lime over the top, and sprinkle with cinnamon.  Mix and eat with cinnamon sugar chips:

Cinnamon Sugar chips
Brush flour tortillas with butter and sprinkle with cinnamon and sugar mixture - (1/4 cup sugar and 1 Tbls cinnamon combined).  Cut the tortilla into 8 pieces.  Put them on a baking sheet in a single layer and bake at 350 for 12 minutes.

Community Freebies

I am all about getting out of the house to do things with my kids...especially when they are free....most of the time.  Our city has a Summer Literacy Program that we go to once a week.  There is a theme every week complete with stories, activities, crafts, and a snack.  Our library also has free story times and programs every week like puppet shows, magicians, ice sculpting, and bird shows.  While grocery shopping yesterday, I found out that this store even does a free kids camp every Thursday...who would have thought?  Yeah, more freebies!

Today I ventured out with my 4 kids plus my one year old niece to try out this kids camp.  Before I left I thought to myself "what are you doing...are you crazy?" In hind-sight; yes I was crazy to attempt that!  The younger kids wanted to touch and open anything that they could get their hands on.  Free events attract A LOT of people - so it was very cramped (especially trying to maneuver my double stroller through the crowd).  The kids had fun though.  They made a little Father's Day craft, got a tour of the store's huge freezer, played with a parachute, and got ice-pops and balloons when it was over.  It was a thrilling time had by all (I was thrilled to get out of there with all 5 kids and without destroying the store).

Now to complete our Thrilling Thursday, I told the kids that we would go to the Library program tonight....what was I thinking?  So if you see a crazed mom pushing a double stroller with 4 kids  through the crowd at the library tonight...just smile, wave, and say "Aren't you thrilled to be here?"