Six Ways to Help Kids Control Anger

I am continuing my quest to help Aaron handle his angry feelings in a positive way.  The "Code Balloon" has worked great.  When I see that Aaron is about to explode I say "balloon" and he is able to calm himself down...most of the time. For todays Wednesday's Words I searched through my mountain of books and surfed the web and I found this article Six Ways to Help Kids Control Anger by Michele Borba, Ed.D.  It is a great article with six ideas to help teach our kids calmer, more constructive ways to express their anger.

Here are a few of the ideas from this article that I am going to focus on with Aaron:

Model calmness.
The best way to teach kids how to deal with anger constructively is by showing them through your example! After all, you don’t learn how to calm down by reading about it in a book, but by seeing someone do it. So use those frustrating experiences as "on-the-spot lessons" to your child of ways to calm down.

Here’s an example: Suppose you get a phone call from the auto shop saying your car estimate has now doubled. You’re furious, and standing nearby is your child now watching you very closely. Muster every ounce of calmness and use it as an instant anger control lesson for your child:

"I am so angry right now" you calmly tell your child. "The auto shop just doubled the price for fixing my car." Then offer a calm-down solution: "I’m going on a quick walk so I can get back in control." Your example is what your child will copy.


Exit and calm down!
One of the toughest parts of parenting is when children address their anger towards us. If you’re not careful, you find their anger fueling emotions in you that you never realized were in you. Beware: anger is contagious. It’s best to make a rule in your home from the start: "In this house we solve problems when we’re calm and in control." And then consistently reinforce the rule.

Here’s an example of how you might use it. The next time your child is angry and wants a quick solution, you might say, "I need a time out. Let’s talk about this later" and then exit calmly and don’t answer back.

I had one mom tell me her only escape was to lock herself in the bathroom. The child continued kicking and screaming, but she would not come out until he was calm. It took a few "locked up times" for the child to realize she meant business. And from then on the child knew that mom would only talk about the problem when he was calm and in control.


Create a "calm down" poster. 
There’s dozens of ways to help kids calm down when they first start to get angry. Unfortunately, many kids have never been given the opportunity to think of those other possibilities. And so they keep getting into trouble because the only behavior they know is inappropriate ways to express their anger.

So talk with your child about more acceptable "replacer" behaviors. You might want to make a big poster listing them. Here’s a few ideas a group of fourth graders thought of: walk away, think of a peaceful place, run a lap, listen to music, hit a pillow, shoot baskets, draw pictures, talk to someone, or sing a song.

Once the child chooses his "calm down" technique, encourage him to use the same strategy each time he starts to get angry.

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I am really hoping that by using these techniques that I have found, Aaron will learn that anger is not the only way to solve his problems.  One thing that I am discovering from writing this blog is that there is a wealth of useful information out there!  If you or your child is having a problem, research it to find ways to handle that problem better.  At times when I am at a loss for what to do with one of my kids, instead of worrying and stressing out, I am going to take a more proactive approach like I have done this week.